I've Arrived
June 26, 2012 
This house that once felt too small for this busy family - is suddenly seeming much..much too large. The rooms that were once overfilled with the sound of laughter and life - are quiet. The nest is now officially empty.
I've known this time was coming. I've known it since the day my first was born. They forewarned me. This time will pass much..much too fast. From babies to children..to defying questioning adolescents and now - to responsible and independant adults - that they've each become.
Congratulations - I keep telling myself - I've survived it all. I've arrived.
While in the midst of the muddle - it didn't seem like it ever would. But end - it did. Like all good things..and bad. Life happens. Children grow and go. And here I am - today - scratching my head and wondering how and when and - yes iff...if it really did. But - I do know. No question or doubt about it. It happened. It did.
Was there some sort of grand destination? Should there be some sort of grand celebration?
Strangely - I'm feeling neither the bitter nor the sweetness of it all. I'm feeling neither empty or full...neither lost nor found.
Here I am. At a new beginning. Again.
Only - this time it's different. I begin again - now - with time and experience and accumulated wisdom. I now know that there is nowhere to be..nowhere to go...other than right where it is I am. I know that change happens. Whether we plan for it..or not. I know - what I've heard so many times before - that they come thru us..that they are not ours to own.
I smile. When I think back...when I remember. How I did it - I have no clue. But that - I did. And that - I'll do this too.
And so - as I begin to sort and clean thru those things they chose to leave behind - those little things that they couldn't quite bear to part with..but couldn't quite take along for the ride - I find myself not quite wistful..not quite nostalgic.
It wasn't what I would have predicted..or planned...or expected. It was bumpy and roundabout and circuitous - in more ways than one. And yet..and altho I will always question - it was good enough. It was who we were..who we are..and who we'll become.
And yes. I've arrived.
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Cross-posted over at Vision and Verb where a group of like-minded women from all over the world share their passion for photography and the written word.
Reader Comments (45)
You hit it right on the mark with "grand" destination and "grand" celebration, Put your feet up for a couple of years and rest a spell, because before you know it you could be busy with weddings and before long find yourself a "Grand" parent to one or more "Grand" children :)
I am keeping this post where I can read it and be inspired all over again. We are in the same place but I am holding onto the sadness and not ready to embrace the arrival of this brand new place. Thanks for the uplift!!
I can identify with every single one of these feelings, Marcie, and although I have come to a point where I have also arrived, I very often miss the times before I arrived.
Love this post Marcie! Life gives us many stages to gather wonderful memories. Loving this new stage of freedom!
Everyone who gets to this point in life deserves a Huge Medal, Marcie. A crown, maybe. A diadem? Yes, you HAVE arrived! And today is now the first day of the rest of your life. I can just imagine what's in store for you!
So very poignant and beautiful, I share your sentiments!
I loved the post when I read it on V&V, retweeded it too
Yes, we wonder how we got through too. By the way, on a recent trip out West, we learned that Robins are everywhere, in every niche of the landscape, from desert to alpine tundra. Now, that is a wonder!
What a gorgeous image Marice. Your words pierce my heart as I await and try to prepare for the same inevitability with my youngest nearing the corner of 18. What a beautiful place you are in...ahhh the present moment.
Blessings!
I first saw this beautiful picture (a robin?), then I read your words - both fit together so very well in more than just one way.
I have to admit I dread the moment my daughter will leave our home for good. At the same time I'm excited and wonder what she will be like then - in only four short years that we still have together. Whatever she decides to do, I hope I can full heartedly support her and cheer her on.
As I think back, when our son left for college everything changed. A gradual transition in many ways...but it was never the same around the house. But the time, I think, that I really felt like "I've Arrived" was on his wedding day. Even though he had lived away from our home for several years, the day he married it truly became a reality that my role - as I had known it - was over and a new phase of my life was about to begin.
Marcie, another beautiful image and post. You have a way of making the ordinary robin -with her empty nest - so very interesting and special.
I remember well the place where you have arrived. I felt much the same way. One day followed the next and one morning I awoke in a place so special I never want to leave it. Adult children phone to share a tidbit from their day, two young children call me Grammy and warm my heart beyond measure, my husband and best friend of 39 years is still by my side, but most importantly I have time for me. My days, whether scheduled or void of commitments are full. Life in the empty nest is good.
Even though my own nest has been empty for many years I always can recall with clarity the moments when each of my children left. To come to a place where you can say "it was good enough" is so powerful. Your words touch my heart today.
Never having had children, this post would be completely outside my realm of experience - were it not for the fact that we all go through it at the other end of life, too. With very few adjustments, this post could be about my experience of my mother "moving on" in death. Even the sorting through things - not quite wistful, not quite nostalgic - is very much the same. Life certainly has more passages than we imagine!
I love the image you chose to depict the message in this post. Here's to whatever the future may bring.
Great post Marcie! I never had kids of my own but I helped raise my two nieces. I am proud to say they are both lovely young women. While I may not feel the empty nest the way some of the rest you do, I can still relate with change and adapting to new things. Again, great job Marcie for putting things into words that the rest of us have been feeling.
I can't wait to see all the things you will do! You are awesome and this time is exciting ~ lovely read and image.
Amen to so much of that, Marice. We went through all that and then wondered if they had really gone, because although They went, so much of what they had, stayed behind and remains as a collection of memories and reminders. And every so often one of them comes home, has a sift through the contents of their old room - and creates a pile of 'stuff' to be thrown away. And when they are gone again, we look through it and say (invariably) I don't want to throw all this away. And so we have our own little sift through and save 'stuff' that we have too much of a sentimental attachment to. And the process repeats. It may be an empty nest in one way, but in another the nest is far from empty.
Sometimes I reflect on what my sister and I put our parents through, though not from any intent to do so. I left for college in mid-August, and my sister, six years older than me, married in early November. So we went from a noisy vibrant family to my two parents by themselves in the space of less than three months. They were lonely for a while, missing the two of us, but fortunately, they still loved each other. They were extremely close and loving and supported each other to the end.
Marcie, now that you have arrived, you understand what so many do not. You have been through a process. Not a series of events, not a series of stages, but a process. I too am going through a process, and can see where I will be in a few years. Unfortunately, that is not the case for the others involved. They only see the here and now, and not the future, which will be bettter for all of us.
Beautifully written. The image you chose goes perfectly with the words.
Ah, this essay should be the theme for my blog - How to Feather an Empty Nest - may I steal it? :) So beautifully written, capturing all the feelings and thoughts about this time in our lives. Like you, I am glad to be here, at this starting point, at this new beginning. Proud of the adults my children have become. Eager for what comes next.
Oh Marcie, this is beautiful. I'm about to send off our first one to college in just a couple of months---the beginning of her brand new life. And mine. I'm keeping this post to look back and to re-read again and again. Love this.
Kinda bitter sweet to me I think.
Love the shot :)
utterly lovely
great capture
Perfectly, perfectly said!!! I sat with my husband the other night on our very large deck by our very large house that only houses the two of us now but was initially built for 4 of us and wondered. In the warmth of a late night, sitting in the almost dark, listening to the inner peace that comes with the melody of birds and critters in the night, I wondered. I wondered if this very large deck and this very large home would house more than just the two of us ever again. and will this quietness between us be enough as time passes. I was not sad, nor was I empty or wishful or wanting. I just was. And I knew with all certainty that there was no going back, there was only going forward. And should this quietness between us be all that there was, I am at peace for the journey to this point has been perfectly messy and beautiful. And I am at peace with the quietness between us as it holds that journey within it.
Truly truly Love your work, Marcie!!! I am so glad we crossed paths.
You seem to have successfully transitioned from a busy filled house to a serene retreat. I often think of this time with both delight and dread. Reading your beautiful words today, is making me look at the whole picture in a total different light :-)
I don't have this experience, but I see it all around me. Wonderful post.
Ah, the times they are a-changin. So many beautiful times in life if we can be still and live with them. Life and change are a constant process for me, too. There's no way to be ready. We can only be.
Lovely image and great post Marcie. I think I am pretty much right where you are these days.
Gorgeous! Love it!
Well expressed. I know exactly what you mean. Mine left several years ago, but is still connected. I'm working on letting go, even 5 years after he left. Letting go of trying to protect him, of trying to suggest what to do, of trying to keep myself safe from hurt. What works best is treating him like I would a friend--listening, respecting, sharing, having fun together.
fantastic frame and colors
Wow. This made me cry (and I don't even have children). The tears were ones of understanding the loss, the empty nest, but also for the feeling one has when we know it is all perfect just as it is despite it all. This solitary bird is a perfect match for your thoughts as I've watched the scrub jays in my yard leave their nest as well with the mother still hanging around here but much more relaxed. All is the way of nature.
PS: Congratulations :-)
I'm holding these wise words close to my heart.
What a beautiful image Marice. the story you write with this is also very special and great. thanks a ton for sharing it with me. ink cartridges
Beautiful capture!!!
Brenda
Bouncing on Words
Life Less Ordinary
From my Points of View
I am so "here" right now... my son moved out on June 1st... and my feelings mirror yours. It is a new phase of life, and I just keep thinking how we're always changing...
And now we stand back, just a little, and watch them change and flounder and grow and experience all the same things we experienced, in their own way.
Life is quite the ride, isn't it?
And... I adore that photo!
Your thoughts carry a lot of resonance. I remember that when my children were small, there was no inkling in my mind that it would all change so much, but it has. That mixture of emotions, thoughts, and impressions swirls by almost every day. I find myself in the "midst of...(that particular) muddle" and recognize it all as it goes by. Now, my daughters have children, I am the patriarch. I can see both sides of these events and try to cheer them on and tell myself that this is the way it is supposed to be. I smile about that--even through the mistiness that seems to come to my eyes at the same time. Your narrative is touching to say the least. Your photo is beautiful. Your inquisitive, investigative examination is very "real."
Cheers to new arrivals!
Beautifully written and honest
What a lovely post. I feel like I am in the midst of it all... small house, dog, two boys under age five, working. Life is crazy. I hope I, too, can arrive one day!
**Arriving.**
So much more delightful than exiting.
This was beautifully written.
I can relate quite well. <3
L O V E L Y.
Well hello! Don't you have a nice new red coat!! :)
Beautifully written Marcie and oh how I love this little guy!
nice shot of this li'l bird.. :)